touchedLike, you know how people say "more than friends"? As if "more than friends" is a different type of RELATIONSHIP rather than a different type of FRIENDSHIP? That doesn't make sense to me, and I've only ever understood "more than friends" as "friends and more"... sometimes a whole lot more, like Denver (the last dinosaur? anyway. I get the reference)
This way of communicating mostly works, as long as I can trust that the other person knows basically where I'm coming from (i.e. more or less what's in this post.) They need to understand at least enough that they can give me appropriate feedback. Cos I'm usually guided by what is comfortable for both people, i.e. what's comfortable for me and comfortable for the other person (as far as I am aware)
I try to relax when I'm hanging out with people, and not overthink things, and not read between the lines (that way lies paranoia) but then I rely on the other person letting me know if I'm making them uncomfortable or anything. You know, so there's no bad touching
When you're dealing with someone and there's no significant power imbalance, you'd expect that consent is easy. "No means no", right? I have my doubts. There are so many situations where either (a) you don't know if you want to consent or not or (b) you kinda don't want to consent but it's easier | lazier | more intuitive to go along with what's happening or (c) you actively want to say 'no' but it's just too socially awkward
When I think of the complex issues around consent I get really spun out and I feel worried that I'm imposing my cultural experience (of love, friendship, and good touching etc) on other people who may be coming from a different experience altogether (e.g. friends DON'T touch | sex is for ("soul mates" | "the one" | "boyfriend and girlfriend" | etc) only) and who don't feel able to say 'no' to me
Or they are saying no, in their own language, but I'm not picking up on this
I'm aware that I'm way more tactile than some people are used to, and I imagine more than other people are comfortable with. And I really appreciate people letting me know (shoving me away works well, kinda like a cat or dog!) if I'm crossing personal space or whatever. I really would prefer this and unless it's done out of spite, I don't get hurt or offended
[I wonder what would happen if I put this in a pamphlet and gave it to people I know. Kinda like "Important information: READ BEFORE FIRST USE"]
January 15 2011, 23:42:00 UTC 7 years ago
No no, thank <i>you</i>
January 15 2011, 23:56:12 UTC 7 years ago
You just inspired me to try to find "Teabag" (the tv show!!!) on the internet again. Success!
http://en.allexperts.com/q/British-TV-2747/Kids-TV-show.htm ->
http://www.t-room.co.uk/
O sweet mother lode
Re: No no, thank <i>you</i>
January 16 2011, 00:11:56 UTC 7 years ago
Re: the actual content of your post.
That stuff is all kinds of hard and complex, right? I know I don't really understand my own stance on a lot of these kinds of issues, yet alone other peoples.
Re: No no, thank <i>you</i>
January 16 2011, 09:04:45 UTC 7 years ago
January 16 2011, 00:08:40 UTC 7 years ago
I love that.
January 16 2011, 23:55:43 UTC 7 years ago
As far as the touching, it's clear you try to find where other people's boundaries are and respect them, so I think maybe you're overthinking a little bit? :) *hugs*
January 16 2011, 23:57:49 UTC 7 years ago
But surely a pamphlet couldn't hurt... ;)
January 18 2011, 17:15:21 UTC 7 years ago
No, wait a minute, pamphlets are usually free...hmm...
Well, you never overstepped the boundary with me (I mean, we both knew where we were at, even if it wasn't always the same place, and I never felt that there was a problem) and I'm a person who is very tactile with people I'm close to and very 'get the fuck out of my personal space' with everyone else, so....guess I like you, huh?! :D